Glowrot: Chapter 0
The dream you won’t wake up from starts here.
Today’s the day! I’m sharing Chapter 0 of Glowrot with you, and I’m nervous and excited at the same time.
This book has lived in my heart for so long that it feels strange and a little terrifying to let it breathe out loud. A little reminder that this is Chapter 0 raw, before any copyediting was done to it.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for reading. I hope it haunts you the way it haunts me.
Here’s where it all begins.
—Bea
Danger: Do Not Enter
Mirrors are supposed to show you a reflection of reality, at least that’s what you learn as a kid. They are the closest thing you could have to seeing yourself through your own eyes; even cameras have some sort of distortion on them.
So the monster They are looking at must be real, right?
The air conditioner runs at full speed, roars like a beast. Fierce, violent. Like an echo of loud music, they don’t want to think about it right now but can’t seem to stop remembering.
The hotel room is freezing, and yet they’re still standing there, half-naked, poking at their skin in front of a dirty mirror they know they should have destroyed.
Beep, beep, beep.
What’s the use of an alarm clock anymore?
“I’ll be late!” With that sound, their eyes are no longer glazed over. Now it’s time for the jittery hand movements, the desperate gasps for air. “I’ll be late, I can’t be late!” But even with all the effort in the world, their gaze can’t stop staring.
Staring at the unnatural push their ribs have against their skin. At how they expand and contract until they inflate like balloons and then pop. At the bumps in their knees, shifting back and forth into balls of grease. The reflection bends towards the bed, but the skinny figure in the real world stays petrified until the one on the other side picks up a lighter.
A white lighter.
Their white lighter.
“I’m already late.” They say to no one specific, or maybe to the one on the other side. “There’s no use to trying.”
Even when They close their eyes, the reflection is still there. A hideous face, despite all the compliments they could receive on the street. Only they can see the truth, the ugliness that they truly possess.
Their mind is racing almost as much as their hands, contrasting with their feet’ sluggishness. At some point, the suit that waited patiently in a chair falls to the floor and disappears between shards of glass of the mirrors of the past and plastic spoons.
“I have to, but I can’t.” But without even realizing it, they’re lighting another cigarette and subconsciously glancing at the smoke detector they made sure to damage the first day of their stay at this hotel. Now the room’s smell of lavender mixed with antiseptic welcomes the newfound scent, like a fucked up perfume that perfectly summarizes their mental state.
A scream tries to leave their throat, but the pain is too strong to let it. Gums bleeding, purple lips. It’s all happening again, and there’s no going back once it starts. No one else knows it as well as they do.
Memories, then, of a figure that moves like a snake on the dance floor. White, long hair stuck with sweat on their face, neon pink saliva trickling down their chin. It’s the pull they’ve been feeling since the first time they found themselves in that place, back then when it was all wonderful.
Perfect.
Like them.
“She can’t see me like this,” they speak again to the nothingness. This time, the shadows in every corner respond. They start with a chuckle that crescendos until they transform into a cackle so vile the whole room trembles. They lean closer, twisting into shapes too similar to their own reflection for comfort. Imitating the inflating and deflating, their limbs stretching and deforming, their movements jerky and erratic.
Beep, beep, beep.
Now the alarm is not coming from the phone, but from the walls. Like a ticking clock, like a beating heart hidden under the floorboards. It can’t stop, not now. They’re already late, after all.
They
are
always
late.
There’s something else, something the shadows are trying to tell them. They tug at them, desperate for attention. Scratch their back until the rabbit tattooed on it looks bruised and damaged. But the scream still doesn’t come, it can’t. It’s too much at the same time.
Whoops, when did that cigarette fall to the floor?
Better be careful, they wouldn’t want to burn the whole place down. Right?
Beep, beep, bzzzz.
Once again mutating, the sounds no longer coming from the walls but from inside their head. It doesn’t matter that they have no clue when they got to the bathroom, just that they can’t shatter this mirror either because they’ll have to pay for it too. And their futile attempt at putting on some white eyeliner gets interrupted by another hideous reminder of their true nature.
Raised ridges on the skin of their arms that aren’t going away no matter how hard their short nails scratch. With a close glance, they realize something even more horrific: dark veins glowing faintly beneath their thin skin. Pulsating, shifting like snakes, as if they were trying to escape. All the scratching in the world will not make them go away, not this time.
It’s too late to fix it. To fix themselves.
Bzzzz, bzzz, bzz.
It’s too much, it’s unbearable. The light flickers and in the second the bathroom succumbs to darkness, a neon outline surrounds them. And then dissipates as if nothing happened. The buzz still inside their head, too familiar, too much like the neon lamps that plague their nightmares constantly. And yet, are they really nightmares?
The sweet haze of oblivion, of being so detached from reality, their shape doesn’t matter. The delightful sensation of not feeling hunger. The wonderful lullaby of a perfect world.
It couldn’t have been that bad, right?
“Right,” respond the shadows.
“Maybe just one more time, only one more.” They say, picking up the white lighter and flicking it open. The only thing that seems real, tangible. Their ticket to that place. They flick it close now, and then open, and close. The rhythm soothing their internal void.
Click, click, click.
Much better.
With a smile, they zigzag through the room like a wounded animal trying to run, get dressed, and sketch an attempt at makeup without having to stare at their reflection. The shadows are silent now, content. Every single one of them knows what’s about to happen. It’s what comes naturally, after all.
“I’ll leave after just one drink. I won’t even talk to anyone. Just one drink.” The thought of the sweet flavor is enough to send shivers down their spine, and the rabbit tattoo is now decorated with goosebumps all around.
One arm, the other one, somehow that leather jacket always made them feel better. Their hands shake, and they still hold the lighter firmly, their only key to that place.
Right before exiting, one last glance at the mirror reveals a twisted, almost unrecognizable version of their true self. Their veins pumping neon venom to their heart, their eyes glowing like a specter. But they force themselves to look away.
And they leave. They leave the shattered glass on the floor, the spoons, the shadows living in the corners, the cigarette still on.
The hotel hallway is desolate; cobwebs start forming in the corners whenever they pass by, almost mocking the one they have tattooed under their eye.
It’s curious how their steps don’t make any sound, as if they were lighter than air. If only they truly were.
The world is empty.
The elevator was waiting for them.
The twins in the reception don’t even make an attempt to look at them.
The door opens the second it senses their presence.
And then the rest of the world.
Click, click, click.
Neon city lights illuminate their path, casting distorted colors across their face. They walk without direction because they know this process way too well, and yet their back is straight, and their steps are small and quick. The glow that seems to be emanating from the lighter starts wrapping around them, guiding them, almost devouring them.
At least where they’re going, they’ll never be late.
If you made it here, thank you. I'd love to know what you felt.
Comments, whispers, screams, all welcome here.
I’ll be sharing more with you really soon, don’t forget to subscribe and join my discord server to be up to date with Glowrot related news, creative musings and writing advice 💖
Why are you so damn talented?😭