When Passion Pushes You Past the Breaking Point

This isn't the launch I imagined, but it's still happening

I woke up multiple times last night, drenched in sweat, shaking, with a fever high enough that I couldn’t tell what was real.

My throat hurts, my body aches, and my head is pulsing.

And Glowrot comes out tomorrow.

I don’t think this is a coincidence.

This past week, I’ve barely slept. Between formatting, marketing, writing, editing, organizing, designing, posting, emailing, working, preparing for my dance performances, and performing, while trying to make everything perfect while still somehow surviving, I pushed myself past the edge of what my body can hold.

Chronic illnesses are no joke. I know better, and still, I did it.

Because when you're passionate, when you care so deeply about a story that it feels like your whole self is stitched into every sentence, you stop paying attention to your limits. You burn through every spoon just trying to do this thing right.

But the thing is that being a creator shouldn’t have to mean having to cling to survival like this.

It’s hard enough releasing a book when you’re healthy. When you’re neurodivergent, chronically ill, and doing it all yourself? It feels impossible. And yet, here I am. Sick in bed. Still writing this. Still trying. Because I want you to know how much this means to me.

Glowrot is a horror story about losing yourself. About craving something that hurts you. About the sweetness of surrender and the rot that follows.

And right now, I’m feeling all of that in my own body.

I’m not writing this to guilt anyone into buying a copy or hyping up the release btw, I just needed to be honest and vent a little bit. I promised I would show you the good, the bad and the ugly. This is one of the ugly sides of it.

And hey, maybe you’re doing too much too. Maybe you’re burning yourself out for something you love, maybe you need a reminder that resting isn’t a sign of weakness.

I’ll be here, recovering, doing my best to breathe, and trying not to spiral about whether I did “enough”. Whatever is done is done and, at the end of the day, it's not that the book is going to disappear immediately after release day. There'll be time to pick up the slack...

Well, not the slack, the things I haven't done because of being physically incapable of existing.

Anyway, Glowrot comes out tomorrow. And I’m proud of it. Even if I’m launching it from bed.

Thanks for being here.